This record is a concept album and should be treated as one long connected story. Please set your player to zero gap between songs.

A room with a view

A pleasantly balmy early autumn evening. Just the kind you would expect when the summer is slowly fading, and the birds are compelled by an irresistible urge to flock together and head for something new. And the dusk is slowly creeping in to tune the light down after a beautiful day with clear fresh air with just a hint of something sweet and bitter

And no commitments. And a tingling feeling that it might have been something more than politeness in her smile as she looked over at your feeble attempt to measure forces with your mate. Not impressive in any way, but followed up with a comment that caught him off guard and made everyone else laugh. And she didn’t look away when you looked at her. And now, there’s a good chance of meeting her at the party. Almost unpleasantly frightening as your brain is flooded by thick swirling images of how the world should be with you holding the most beautiful girl close in your embrace. It’s like a wrestling match between equals where every ten second round shifts between succumbing to the urge of going home with your dignity intact, or go all in despite the overwhelming chance of failure in a vague hope for the ultimate prize. What more could you ask for than someone like her.. Everything else is irrelevant. Will she be there? Of course she will. Maybe. The road is never ending and to short at the same time. And the autumn air is so fresh. And a good friend who keep you going whenever you start to doubt, as if he realises how important this is even more than you do yourself.  

Be calm.

Be cool. Act like you don’t care. Unaffected. The cool guy. Hard to get, while your pulse is reaching 140 and your knees are shaking and your about to die.

I do

I am cool when I’m calm, but I’m not even close

I’m far from playing my role

I’m laughing too loud with a squeak in my voice

I deliver my punchline with instant regret

The message is lost in the noise

 

The heat from your skin as you gently reach out

To touch my trembling hand

I claim to be strong and I try to stay firm

My knees are weak but they don’t buckle yet

I nod as you give me your terms

 

This love that you're flashing my way

It is all that I need to be yours faithfully

Bad luck come as it may

I will stand by your side to the end of time

This feeling is hard to explain

They say that pleasure is so close to pain

But I can't imagine I'll ever feel sadness again.

 

The sky is dead black, but the stars are so bright

I trace your silhouette

The noise in the distance turns into a blur

A veil of music, laughter and shouts

The most beautiful soundtrack I’ve heard

 

This love that you're flashing my way

It is all that I need to be yours faithfully

Bad luck come as it may

I will stand by your side to the end of time

This feeling is hard to explain

They say that pleasure is so close to pain

But I can't imagine I'll ever feel sadness again.

Party. Everyone’s talking, the music is pulsating and there’s smiles and happy people everywhere. Friends. Good friends. And barbeque and candle lights. And a night that covers everything snuggly in a surreal hazy atmosphere. And they want you to take out the guitar. And people join, drumming on the chairs. A weirdo, probably a leftover from Woodstock a hundred years ago even brought his mandolin. And then there’s a transition from a fragile lonely acoustic guitar to a flow of sounds that whirls everyone into a dancing, humming singing and laughing crowd. And there is one looking at you. You hope she understands that this song is about her and how you hoped that she’d be here. And she is.

Now she's dancing

The smell of barbeque is competing with the butterflies for air

Everything is perfect, cause all my friends are here.

The butcher boy is acting coy as we brag about his meat

It’s summertime and she’s so fine she knocks me off my feet

 

She said she couldn’t come, Afraid she couldn’t come.. I doubted she would come

 

But now she’s dancing

Now she’s dancing

Now she’s dancing

So close to me

 

Ah, there you are , you brought a guitar and the night is still young

Go hunting for the lovely girl ensnare her with your song 

The lazy fire crackles as it covers us in gold

Promise me you all will keep this memory in your souls

 

Couse she said she couldn’t come, afraid she couldn’t come I doubted she would come

 

But now she’s dancing

Now she’s dancing

Now she’s dancing

So close to me

The party continues. Some have left, but there’s always a tight group that hangs on ‘til morning. And you are here, in an unreal dream world where there’s a beautiful creature laying next to you . And the sound of the party is a separate layer disconnected from your reality. Like a cover of cotton wrapping your cocoon of happiness in a soft dream that caress you and make you smile. And deep inside you know that this is perfect. Deep inside you know that this is how you want the rest of your life to be. Deep inside you know that you will fight anything and anyone trying to take this away from you. And deep inside you know that one way or another, this is going to end.

Close

When life is like a hint

of what they claim that paradise should be

And everything I taste

Is part of the most perfect recipe

 

And I gently touch your hand

And I wonder if you feel it in your sleep

And I whisper that I love you

And a promise I intend to always keep

 

Couse this is perfect and I won’t ever let it go

This is perfect and I will never ever let it go

I’ll be damned if I ever let you go

Is there any chance I’ll ever keep from letting go?

I guess this is the first step towards letting go.

Life is good. You got a ridiculously perfect life. The kind you used to make fun of. You have a nice job. A beautiful wife. A wife! It feels like yesterday the party were still rumbling in the background while you two sat outside watching the night sky and talked about the future. And now you got a job. An exciting job. And you got a good life together with her. You take care of every moment and turn each day into something special. Maybe there’s a kid on its way? This would certainly be the right time for it. With a harmonic couple in a safe and stable situation. Good income from a job with opportunities. But it is demanding. There’s so many chances to prove yourself. Each more challenging than the others, and all of them time consuming. But that’s ok, it’s how it should be. You spend some extra time at the office, there’s a lot of travelling, maybe a bit too much. But it is just for now. And it will be worth it. The days feel too short. And suddenly a week has passed, and you stop and think. “Did I kiss her goodbye before leaving yesterday?”. Or the day before. It’s been a busy week. It’s time to show her some attention, make up for the lost time. As soon as this project is finished. And you put some extra effort into fixing the house, even if you are dead tired. It looks good. Everything falls into place. Even though it seems like a year since you last went to bed while she was still awake. You do not talk together unless there’s something important to say, or write as a note on the fridge. You have a wife. She’s asleep when you go to bed. You are so tired. Exhausted. But next weekend. You do not have any plans for that weekend. You’re going to make up for it then. Do something special.

Forever after, for a while

You handle the quarrels with feathery hands

Nourish the feelings with care

Direct your attention to each single trace

Desperate to be aware

 

You claim the position and total control

Nothing is going to fade

But even before the first year is gone

You notice the treacherous change

 

You still share the laughter, the compulsory kiss

Occasional moments of bliss

The love is still deep, though more in control

Reality’s taking its toll

 

And then came the pet, adorable thing

And then the career with late nights again

And then the new car, in fact number two

And then came the kids..

and then it was you

I guess I didn’t see you

 

The beautiful hair, the smile that you wear when moving in close for a kiss

The loving caress when I’m strung out and stressed, the signs I somehow missed

The way that you see the man I could be if only they’d give me a chance

The way you accept the gas station wrapped last minute lack of romance

How could I neglect the beautiful you?

Every day seems the same. You do not remember if its Friday or Monday anymore. When was the last time you had a weekend off? But you must keep it up, there’s a deadline, and you are so far from ready. And if you get the bonus this time, you take care of all the bills that’s been piling up. You can take a couple of days of after this project. Until then, it is just to roll up the sleeves and hang in there. Just for a short period. You are so tired of explaining why this project is so important. Again. It’s not like you have a choice, the job needs to be done. And it’s temporary. So just switch off your brain and get at it. One day at a time. And another one. And another one. There’s a light in the end of the tunnel, but it doesn’t seem to get any closer. Right now, you do not have the luxury of choosing, just turn off the brain and work on. Push. Push. Keep it up.

Groundhog day

You can tell that it’s morning

Purely by the cold synthetic light

Intruding your unconsciousness

Ripping all the warmth out of the night.

 

It’s the same day, the same way

Smile and say it’s OK

Until it’s time to sleep

And then you go way to deep

 

Pee, eat, work and sleep

This is my Groundhog day

This is our Groundhog day

When did our life start to fade?

One day you look at her. The one you love. And you really do. She doesn’t shine anymore. She doesn’t smile anymore, she just looks tired. You have everything you could wish for. She has everything she could wish for. At least you hope so. But you’re not sure anymore. It’s so long since you have shared a dream. So long since you shared anything. You can see that she is more beautiful than life itself. You have to do something. Take a break. It’s so easy to arrange. Why haven’t you done this before? Sending the kids away for a weekend. Find your own sacred little moment, just the two of you. Talk, be together, focus on what you want and what you have. Make her shine. You will never let it come to this again.

In the eye of the beholder

Charcoal grey and tedious

A softly fading glow

And unattended, the pile will surely grow

Consuming what is left of the day

 

Laundry bag of telltales

Of every hour spent

Picking up and out again, with bruises and a dent

That needs a patch and kiss to be ok

 

And then, heaven-sent, finally

A weekend of our own

Just you and me, alone

 

And In my eyes

you’re still the beautiful girl I once met

you still shine

and I know it’s all worthwhile

Couse in my eyes

this is why there’s no regrets

Tomorrow might be hard, and today is what we get

But it’s more than I could hope for, and I know we’ll be ok

Couse we’ll cherish every minute of today.

It’s almost unreal to be able to spend this time on yourself. Both of you have a touch of guilt for not spending this precious time with the kids. You’re stealing these moments and expect to get caught anytime. But it just so necessary. And you know there is no reason to be concerned. The kids are having a good time, they are probably not missing you at all. But when the phone rings you know that you should have been there. You know that everything would have been avoided if you weren’t so damn selfish. And deep inside you knew something was going to happen. It’s all on you. Karma is engraved in the soul of everyone for a reason, and now you have to pay the price. And you know that’s not how it works, and you know there’s no one to blame. You know there’s nothing you could have done. But still, you know that if the kid doesn’t make it you will never forgive yourself. and the time stand still as you hear an echo of somebody talking about accidents and hospitals and everything you refuse to hear.

The dreaded call

Like inverted lightning on the calmest day

Like a cold sweat dripping on your face of clay

Like everyone turn to look with a puzzled smile

 

Like the hesitant pause before the change

Like the sunny day about to rain

Like a romantic dinner with a psychopathic friend

 

Like a quiet whisper to a shouting roar

Like a tiny ripple on a giant shore

Like nothing else will ever move again

 

Somehow you knew it

It’s just faith beat you to it

Everyone secretly await the dreaded call

 

Like the one thing you should not have said

Like the ever present monster in your head

Quietly whispering “Didn’t I tell you so?”

 

Somehow you knew it

It’s just faith beat you to it

Everyone secretly await the dreaded call

Where do you run to?

Where do you run to when the scull cracks open and the blood runs out

and a love so deep it chokes your throat like a ball of pain

so you can never speak again

 

Where do you run to when the tears clog up and blocks your sight

and there’s no blame and no one shout and still the silence

it just feels loud

 

Where do you run to when the pale young hand is much to brave

and the bruised up body seems to fade and the swelling

makes it hard to recognize

The child that is dying deep inside

 

I follow you down, and I won’t let go

But as I slip away, there’s always someone else needing more

Always someone else needing more

 

So where do you run to when the bleep turns into a steady pace

the crisis pass into a normal day but still you feel

something broke

So where do you run to?

Everything falls apart. You do not have to deal with it, because you can choose not to feel anything. Nothing at all. But you have to shut out the light with the darkness. The light that hurt so bad when it’s gone. But that is what keeps you hostage, the light that threatens to break everything if it fades. If you just shut it off, move away, stop thinking about anything at all, stop making decisions, those stupid decisions. Stop feeling joy, and you might not need to face the pressure that is eating your inside, gnawing in your chest every time you fear the pain of losing what you love. And you don’t care if it’s good or bad, because you do not have to think at all. Your lack of feelings turns into an impenetrable fortress. Safe. Soft. Abstract. Quiet.

The womb

My fortress of pillowcased comfortable duvets

Impermeable to influence, muffled in any way

Emotionally flat-lined, determined to let go

Of heart shattering kindness that could lead to overflow

 

Shouldn’t it be nice?

Wouldn’t it be nice?

To just let go.

 

My umbilical of sensory impressions is detached

I’m floating in a quiet void, like a basal pinacoid

I’ll never face the truth again, I’ll never need to smile

Even the ghost of what I used to be, has been gone for a while

 

Shouldn’t it be nice?

Wouldn’t it be nice?

To just let go.

 

Deprived of any color, devoted to my black

I won’t be facing forward, and I’m never looking back

I’m suspicious of ambition and of speeches of the kind

I’ve seen true form of happiness, a sight to make you blind.

 

Shouldn’t it be nice?

Wouldn’t it be nice?

To just let go.

Surfacing again

Everything comes to an end

Then it’s back to normal again

Even an abyss too deep to explore

Doesn’t seem all that intriguing no more

 

And I guess it is good

In its own kind of way

We’re moving along

And we won’t go astray

 

And I want to believe

Our heads are above water again

 

 

But it can never be completely undone

The treacherous flaws once seen can’t be withdrawn

And just a hint of accusation lingers in the air

Just enough to remind you it will always be there

Nothing is ever quite like before. You have so many thoughts that nourish the doubt and irritation that you try to ignore. And you have been through a lot that people do not understand. They say the words, but they do not know the meaning. And you have no way of explaining. No will to do if you could. And you know that you have one chance to start fresh. One. If that doesn’t work you know that next time will be temporary too, that it is not anchored in your conviction. It is so hard to give up until you realize that you gave up a long time ago. This isn’t what you believed in. When did it slip, when did you decide not to fight with heart and soul, when were you supposed to sacrifice everything? When did you reach your goal? Or when did you lose it out of sight, forgetting what it was all about? Where is whatever was worth all the countless hours struggling to stay afloat?

In a haze

Are these the things we thought of?

The paradise we bought us?

Is this the real true meaning, the silent words of silver lining?

It’s all a haze

 

It’s what the future brought us, all the dreams we talked of

And when we see it now, we slowly realize, somehow,

It’s all a haze

 

Where are we?

Somewhere we need to draw the line…

It’s hard to see

We can’t keep pushing on this time

If we don’t stop now

If this is where we want to be

We lost us somehow

Then why is it difficult for me?

 

Is this the bright tomorrow, all stripped of pain and sorrow,

Is this the quiet shore you told me we’re waiting for?

It’s all a haze.

 

Does it make any sense to let it all depend on what we choose to see,

when we know that it can’t be real?

It’s all a haze.

 

Where are we?

Somewhere we need to draw the line…

It’s hard to see

Can’t keep pushing all the time

If we don’t stop now

If this is where we want to be

We lost us somehow

Then why is it so difficult for me?

 

Where are we?

Somewhere we need to draw the line…

It’s hard to see

Can’t keep pushing all the time

If we don’t stop now

If this is where we want to be

We lost us somehow

Then why is it so difficult for me?

Alone. Free. New-born into a world you don’t recognise. All the possibilities. Everything you can do. Irresponsible. Reckless. Hopeful. Horny. Ready to dive into a world without any guilt. This world is made for you.

This world is not made for you.

You don’t belong here. Your senses are overwhelmed by gluttony and youthful naivety. You are indestructible. You have to try everything. You do not want to try everything. Alone. Free. But not one of them. You can’t empty your brain and indulge in the superficial game that is ruled by lust and hormones. The neon lights are pointing to a nirvana you do not care for. You do not want to care for. You do not belong there.

Strange days

Loud, noisy, booming bass

Carried by the wind from the forbidden place

of decadence

or the fountain of youth?

 

Sweaty bodies, pulsating light

A beauty so deep even layers of glaze

Can’t hide away

The bitter truth

 

I’m out of place

Like flotsam drifting by

I’m out of place

These are strange days

 

Tight, wriggly and aroused

Doesn’t take much to follow the flow

A frail pretense

being one of you

 

Entice, lure and attract

If I cross this line I will never go back

A renegade

Breaking out of the maze

 

I’m out of place

Like flotsam drifting by

I’m out of place

These are strange days

She’s blinded by her own desires, your position, the power and the exotic strangeness you represent. But you know that it is all temporary. It is going to lose it’s shine if you stick around long enough. You can grab with both hands, suck the intensity that everyone here thrives on. But you know it will have a price. Even if no one seems to care. You do not want to take advantage of this situation, you’re really not entitled to. And it is too easy to lose interest in this as you realize it is just a shell of the happiness you once had. And it is not right to devour this pray in a feeble attempt to pretend this is what you are looking for. It doesn’t feel right

Unwary sailor

Lost in the lies, two for the barrel they came in and

Looking twice, then enter the magical kingdom of

flickering lights, revealing more than I dreamt of

 

And you..

Just a blink of an eye, that will last forever

And you

Without reasonable doubt of whatever

 

A perfect disguise, luring the already smitten and

Ignore the advice, nothing is ever admitted and

Still this is all, wrapped under “the power of living”

 

And you..

Paying the price forever

And you, you carry the lies forever

And you, you’re nursing the scars forever

And you, you could break my heart forever

And you, you don’t even know

the price of your sirens song

 

I apologize and I leave because somewhere deep down

I’ve seen the real you.

You made it. Life is good. Better.

You see the world floating by, and you know that you have found the place where you belong. Where everything feels right. You no longer look desperately for something to replace or muffle harsh memories. You don’t need anything. Not right now. And you are ready to move on without constantly looking over your shoulder. Maybe the past might even fade out, lose its grip, if you just relax and take your time. Move on, slowly. You are finally ready to look at what’s ahead. Without guilt. Without the feeling of loss. You are ready for each new day. You are ready for a warm autumn evening when the air is sharp with just a hint of a sweet, yet slightly bitter smell as winter is approaching.

A room with a view

I watch it in retrospect

Through color stained glass

Always important, always so stern

Forever frowning, reluctant to learn

 

But I guess it was just a way

To cope with it all

Precautious and carefully

Maybe dampen the fall

 

I could have held on a bit

I could have cherished or admit

that I could have seen the other side

Just sat back and let others decide

 

Despite a bitter end

I’m more complete now than when I began

For every struggle taking it’s toll

There could have been some supporting it all

 

I could have seen more of you

The side that I thought that I knew

Even when things were hard to take

I guess it was mutual in a way

 

The shimmering lights

A city asleep yet pulsating and bright

Everything’s quiet, peacefully calm

I’m warm and content, waiting for dawn